Friendships

I don't think we come to understand the true value of friendships (or who is truly a good friend) until we've hit the 40s. I just turned 49 and realize that, while I have a lot of acquaintances, I can count my closest friends with one hand and still have fingers left.

Friendships and birthdays are related for me because, since I was young, my parents would have me invite my friends so they could join us for pizza on my day of celebration. My best friend in high school, a friend of 30+ years now, would joke that he was always the one constant every year at those dinners. On my 15th birthday, my father said I could invite 15 friends to a nice restaurant, and the menu, signed by all those who attended, is stashed in a memory box somewhere in my basement. The following year, only my one friend was a repeat among the smaller group I invited to celebrate then.

His friendship always meant a lot to me and it survived my going away to college and medical school for him and graduate school for me again and again. But when we both got involved with our life partners, it gradually stopped being what it had been and became more a lovely memory of how close two people can be even when they are "just friends."

These days, I am still blessed with good friends, but unlike when I was in high school and hung out mostly with a pack of boys, I have mostly women friends now (except for my beloved husband). Of course, these relationships aren't the same as those I had when I was younger, especially because each of us has very busy lives or we live miles and miles apart so it's hard to find and make the time to connect. But they are just as treasured, if not more so.

Last night, a couple of friends invited us to their house for a lovely dinner and they surprised me with this coat for Chiquita, which is just what I was looking for but hadn't found. It was my birthday present from them and it was perfect. It should help Chiquita better handle the upcoming winter, which is just around the corner.

What I know now, which I didn't know so much when I was younger (perhaps even into my early 40s), is that it's not important to have many friends or even a constant group of friends. What is so important is to have a few friends, as I do now, who are loving and appreciative and make me feel that I matter to them and who give friendship in equal measure to the one they receive from me. That is a blessing to be deeply thankful for, as this year begins my journey toward the half century of life.