Dishing

OK, so let's dish.

(Friendly Disclaimer: If you're not into frivolous meaningless chisme, then you want to skip this post).

As one billion people all over the world already know, last night was Oscar Night. And while maybe a handful of people cared about what movie or actor got the Oscar (I was rooting for Eddie Murphy and was disappointed that he was passed over for Alan Arkin!), I'm really in it for the fashions.

There was a time when I'd make the effort to see all the nominated movies before Oscar Night. But, nowadays, who the heck has time to go to the movies anyway? I still haven't seen "The Departed" (although I'm glad the eighth time was the charm for Scorcese) and I'm not edging close enough to "Babel" to scratch it after both my parents had strong physical reactions (and not positive ones) to watching the film. And, do forgive me, but "Little Miss Sunshine" just doesn't appeal to me. Depressed, cranky people on a road trip with a too-cute-to-stomach little girl doesn't strike me as my type of humor, although I might give it a chance on DVD. (BTW, I love watching movies on DVD because I can fast forward any scenes that get too boring or too unfunny or too suspenseful.)

It's been a long time since I've seen a truly rock-the-house movie, and the gowns are simply more entertaining and interesting to dish about anyway. Thus, getting back to dishing, didn't Penélope Cruz just steal the show with her stunning pink silk organza and tulle cloud of a gown? She was a vision of poise and elegance. I was so proud! And what was it with Ellen DeGeneres saying she was from Mexico?! She corrected herself quickly but I bet every single Latina watching thought: "Next she's going to say we all look alike!" Ellen probably confused the Spanish Penélope, who was clearly not amused with the verbal faux pas, with Salma Hayek, who I don't think was even there. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

But, let's be fair, Ellen did a great job. I normally dislike her rather sophomoric brand of comedy, but she was on a roll last night. She was goofy and funny and she was cool as a lechuga. Well done, indeed! And I liked the tuxedos they dressed her up in, especially the first red velvet one. Just a little hint of Liberace, but not totally overboard.

Another gorgeous dress was the one worn by Reese Witherspoon, another one of my favorite actors. She looked rather drawn and skinny in the dark layered gown, though. Probably a result of her divorce from that pretty boy what's-his-face. I always thought Reese and Joaquín Phoenix (who was born in Puerto Rico) should hook up after filming "Walk the Line." I mean, there's a real-man-looking guy for you!

I didn't like Nicole Kidman's snug red number. Towering over everyone, she rather looked like a blond Mortitia dressed up for Christmas. And I thought Helen Mirren looked a little washed up in her pale champagne-colored gown. And what was it with Meryl Streep?! Doesn't she have a stylist? And, if she does, she needs to fire him/her today. What was she thinking?! She gets nominated for playing a fashion diva in the guilty-pleasure romp "The Devil Wears Prada" and she goes to the Oscars in that odd trench-coat-looking dress with the askew necklace and the unkempt hair? She obviously doesn't have a drop of Latina blood in her.

Oh, and Jennifer López looked quite striking, too, in her jeweled Roman-looking number. And I liked her shorter hair style. But I don't know what Oscar de la Renta was thinking with that metallic bolero for Jennifer Hudson. Too Project Runway-looking, if you ask me.

OK, that's enough dishing for now. Never fear, I'm back to being the serious professor-in-the-making and hardworking scholar and devoted animal lover.

(But, in the interest of full disclosure, I'd never say no to a beautiful pale-pink Atelier Versace gown and a pair of sparkling Jimmy Choos if they ever came my way, legally. Even if I'd never have occasion to wear them.)