Alchemy

"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation. And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it," says the wise old man to the young Andalusian shepherd in Paulo Coelho's lovely parable The Alchemist.

I read Coelho's book some years ago and found it to be almost eerily applicable to how my life has gone. When I have pursued my true desires, those that were in sync with what I believed to be my calling, the universe has invariably conspired in my favor.

But when I've erred my way and pursued other people's dreams for me, or the dreams I knew in the depths of my soul were not what I truly wanted, but were convenient or prestigious or expedient, the universe has quickly churned to create chaos and catastrophe in my life.

As a young girl, I had the strangest feeling that there was a larger plan for my life precisely because things just fell into place. I sometimes felt that I only had to desire something for the road to rise and meet me, like I was standing still on a path that was leading me where I was meant to go, pushing obstacles aside for me as I moved forward.

For one, I attended a good public school but my education was mediocre compared to what the girls in the private school I was later to teach at received and I was a smart but not stellar student, who teachers said always could do better, if I applied myself. Still, I was a voracious reader who read almost every literature book in our paltry school library. Before my teens, I had already read War and Peace, and many years later a school mate would comment during a reunion that she remembered me as the girl who was always reading a very thick book.

As the universe would have it, I improbably got into Harvard and worked hard to graduate with high honors in my field. I applied to two graduate schools, the Harvard Kennedy School of Government and the Harvard Graduate School of Education. The KSG said I was too young and inexperienced and rejected me, the HGSE took me in. A few years later, with a master's of education in hand, I applied to three law schools: Stanford, Yale and Georgetown. Stanford said my application was late so I couldn't be considered, Yale kept me wait listed until the very last moment and then said no, and Georgetown said yes.

That's when the universe started careening me into disaster. That story is longer than this post will bear, but suffice it to say that after much hardship and heartache I eventually found myself back on the road I was meant to follow and, since then, the universe has spookily and wonderfully began to turn in my favor.

Last Friday, I received news I had almost not dared hope for because it was just too good, it seemed to me, if it happened. Well, once more, the universe obliged and I get to stay at the wonderful college where I'm teaching for one more year on a teaching fellowship so that I can finish my dissertation.

Yesterday, on Easter, I drove around looking for the Catholic church in my neighborhood, wanting to light a candle in thanks and appreciation to all the spirits and the saints and the angels who look after me because there are many back home who ask them to, as I also ask them. I didn't find the church, which is odd, because I'd driven by many times before.

I took that as a good sign, though. The thanks, I think the universe is saying, are in your willingness to realize your destiny, come hell or high water. The thanks, I realize, is in doing my duty and fulfilling my life's obligation: to become the best teacher I can be and to strive to be the best human being I can become.