In absentia

When my husband and I go to Puerto Rico my very generous in-laws take care of the dogs, which are their furry grandchildren on our side of the family. Invariably, the stories my mother-in-law tells us after we return are not only hilarious but often touching.

Last year, my father-in-law sat through a 2 a.m. thunderstorm in their tiny garage bathroom with Rusty so that the dog wouldn't be too freaked out (like many dogs, Rusty has a phobia of thunderstorms). This year, it was my mother-in-law's turn to do the same, with the dog pressed against her side and whining all the time. My in-laws are truly amazing people to be willing to do what they do for my impossibly difficult dogs.

After the first 24 hours at their place, during which Rusty went on a hunger strike and refused all food and his medications, he finally bonded with my mother-in-law (another strong woman or mujer de armas tomar, as we say) and reassured himself that all would be well. By the morning of the third day he was eating normally again.

Once he had focused on my mother-in-law as his Alpha, he even allowed her to take Geni's milk bone away from him without tearing out her arm. As she tells it, Rusty had refused his breakfast that day but when she turned around after placing his food bowl away from bottomless-pit-stomach Geni (who will eat anything and everything eatable, as will become painfully obvious soon), she found him happily munching on her milk bone. That's Geni's favorite treat after she finishes her food.

Now, Rusty is not supposed to eat milk bones because of his food allergies, which cause him endless (and costly to treat) skin problems. But my mother-in-law's iron-clad sense of right and wrong also dictated that it was simply unfair for the dog to take the milk bone treat although he'd failed to eat his breakfast, as he is supposed to.

My mother-in-law got pissed and scolded Rusty in no uncertain terms and indicated that she was going to take the milk bone away from him and that he was not to even consider the possibility of biting her (which he surely would've done to someone less self-assured and determined than she is). She then proceeded to make good on her threat and took the milk bone away from Rusty. Although he growled deeply to signal his disagreement with her decision, Rusty did not (thankfully) maul her. To me that's a sure sign that he respects her as his superior in rank (as well he should, if he knows what's good for him).

Once Rusty settles into his routine, all the dogs basically do is eat and sleep and do their business, with the occasional chance to chase my mother-in-law's motorcycle as she rides it down their pretty hill. Notwithstanding that statement, my mother-in-law says that instead of roaming the property, as they would be expected to do, my city-street dogs wag their tails after breakfast and look expectantly at her, waiting for a walk through the property. She invariably must roll her eyes and shoo them away, reminding them that they have almost five acres to explore without need of a leash.

I guess Geni did take her seriously and one day that she was still hungry after breakfast (she is on a diet because of her propensity to develop a huge pot belly even without drinking beer), Geni roamed the finca until she found the carcass of a dead raccoon. Good Puerto Rican street sata that she is, she brought it back to my in-laws' place and proceeded to enjoy it as her snack.

Of course, as would be expected, Geni not only puked her breakfast but also the remains of the dead raccoon, hair and all, which my mother-in-law then had to clean. The woman should be canonized and Geni should be taken to Oz to see if she can get a brain!

There's no doubt that the dogs are a lot of work. I enjoy that work because they're such an integral part of my life. Thus, I'm grateful beyond words that my in-laws, together and individually, put up with them and take care of them so well in my absence.

Rusty and Geni can't talk human but, if they could, I know they'd tell their friends and family of what a cool human grandmother and grandfather they have. I'm sure that they'd also rave about the great summer camp they get to visit each year. Where else would Geni have access to the delicacy of dead raccoon?