April, finally!

It's finally April although this morning it didn't really feel that different from March, which didn't feel any different from February, which was a cold, dank copycat of January.

In the morning news, the meteorologist said this had been the fifth coldest March on record in Ohio, which contrasts with the fact that last year we had 8 days at 70 degrees or higher in March. Thus, I'm not at all out of line in thinking that this March, despite all it promised back in February, actually sucked lemons, and of the hard, dry kind no less.

But, thank God, time does go by and here we are on April 1st, and I'm already listening to all it's promising. I pray that unlike March, April isn't a total wash out, and instead actually delivers on what it has pledged.

I recently noticed that the small, crimson heads of my peonies have started to peek out of the soil, and while the tulip leaves are verdant green, it hasn't been warm or sunny enough for the stems to rise and any petals to open. Last evening, we saw some daffodils already in bloom, and there are a few little spots of color here and there in the grass, which do their best to persuade us that better days are yet to come.

The surest sign of spring I have had yet, however, was this past Saturday when, as I prepared to leave the tiny apartment in the woods to return to our big house in the little city, I saw the doe that visits me. What was special this time is that Mama Doe was accompanied by Cute Little Fawn, and they were both happily munching on the seed and some leftover bread I'd scattered outside for the birds.

What a gift, I thought, to be able to see such sights so closely. I made sure they couldn't see me, so I didn't disturb their foray into my sort-of backyard, and when I finally arose because it was time to leave, they had vanished, just as silently as they came. But I think Mama Doe is used to me because I could swear she sees me through the large window and, while wary, pretty much has figured out I don't mean her or her brood any harm.

This morning the dogs and I headed back here, and Rusty was already excited about the possibility of seeing deer, while Geni dreamed of the plush new bed she got from a dear friend and colleague, who also happens to be Geni's friend. The bed (with memory foam!) is almost larger than the eating area in my kitchen, but I've managed to locate it so that the dogs can enjoy it and I can still move around. Every time we're here the dogs play musical chairs with the new bed with Rusty taking it over any time Geni gets off, and vice versa.

I just gave the dogs their second walk of the day because while it's in the low 50s, the sun makes it actually feel a lot like spring out there (I walked without a coat or jacket!) and there was no telling Rusty that he'd had a walk this morning in the little city so he didn't need another one before dusk here. But my pay off was seeing his silly grin as the three of us took a short walk in the sun.

I'm actually looking forward to this week because I plan to polish the introduction I finished last week, and draft the conclusion of the dissertation. My revised goal is to be finished-finished with all the new writing that needs to be done by this coming weekend. I'll send those off to my directors, and then I'll take a few days' break before I start the process of revising, and of assembling the Monster's parts together to see how it looks all together.

Yesterday, a dear friend commented on how the majority of those who started with me in the Ph.D. program in 2003 not only haven't finished their dissertations, some haven't even started, and all have now run out of graduate school funding. I can't help but wonder about the people who wanted those spots but were not admitted and who would've finished, who would've made the most of the opportunity rather than wasting their time...

There's actually nothing mysterious about what I've done. I also have a good friend, who started with me, and who's finishing a few months ahead thanks to several fellowships. All else being equal, what we've both shared is the will and the discipline to finish (helped along by fellowships, of course).

A long, long time ago, I read about how George Bernard Shaw (I believe) said that the best way to write was to sit your butt on a chair and not allow yourself to get up until you'd written. For some reason, that idea stuck with me and has been with me over the years, and I think I've finally figured out why. I was keeping that little kernel of advice until the day I needed it, and it has been the truest recipe to ensure that I will complete my dissertation.

I used to have a boss in Puerto Rico who told me that when he had two things to do, one unpleasant and another pleasant, he would always choose to do the former first to get it out of the way. I don't think I always make that choice because there's something to be said for sometimes postponing the unpleasant, but I do believe he's essentially right. To do what you have to do, you just have to do it. I don't want to sound like a Nike commercial, but I do think that's ultimately true.

I look forward to finally being done with all the first rounds of writing. I can already taste it's sweet promise, and it tastes very much like a cool, perfectly whipped chocolate mousse (which I indulge in once or twice a year!), or one of the pink cupcakes I love so much from the little bakery in the town next to my small college on the hill.

With that taste in mind, I'm going to do some more sitting-my-butt-on-this-chair this week, and some more doing the less pleasant and postponing the more pleasant so I can finally accomplish this goal. Like April, which finally brings the promises of spring, I have my own promises to keep.